I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My pussy is not your playground.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
