The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're like the curious george of whores
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
