I don't think brook has ever known best
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
