mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
