when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
