This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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