Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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