have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
