There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
