it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
