Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He has the fingertips of a God
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
