hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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