Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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