if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
