you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
