After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
