You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
