Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
