Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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