Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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