If i come over, it means nothing
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
