The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
