I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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