i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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