my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
