were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize