Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
