I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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