she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
