You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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