if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
These tits shall not be calmed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
