Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
