I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
