my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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