Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His hands were made for my vagina.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
