I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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