Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
