Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
