and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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