at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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