the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
