the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
