I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
