wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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