I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
