i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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