I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
