I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found the puke drawer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
