If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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