just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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