...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
