she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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