I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
