Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
