she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
