Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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